


Concrete

by w6rship



Series: The Fall Of Tyrants [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Self-Harm, Trauma, non-assassin au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25800061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w6rship/pseuds/w6rship
Summary: Hisoka was not weak. Illumi was not weak.And they admired eachother for it.( Tw: implied self harm and child abuse )
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Series: The Fall Of Tyrants [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882462
Comments: 6
Kudos: 150





	Concrete

It wasnt uncomfortable-- far from it. But it wasnt completely comfortable either. He was still on guard, even in the safety of that warm embrace.

The apartment was a fourty-minute walk from where he lived. He walked those fourty-minutes purposefully in a flurry of dull emotions, numbed pain, and cold tears. He walked those fourty-minutes as if what was at the end of the walk was a mouth watering meal. He was not ok, and now, he thought, was one of the times he could allow himself to admit it.

Hisoka smelled like gum. It was weirdly comforting. It was not the charred smell of his father, or the metallic of his mother. Not even the piney scent of his grandfather. Just bubblegum. He curled up tighter at the thought. _Yes, that's right. Hisoka is **not them.**_

He thought of Killua and Alluka, who had ran away from home just shy of four years ago. He could not recall their scents anymore. He thought of Milluki, who was still at the house. Who smelt like grease and grime. Who watched, quivering, as his role-model since day one got attacked by his parents. Who watched as the last of his brothers sanity was shredded away with long acrylics and an iron fist. He thought of little Kalluto, who had ran also ran away, with their dangerous friends.

He swallowed back a painful noise, subconsciously shaking profoundly. Hisoka threaded carefully manicured fingers through his raven colored hair. There was not a single knot

He thought of his mother again. Who so _desperately_ wanted a daughter, but was cursed with a son. She had demanded him to keep his hair long and shiny. He did. He always did what she wanted, if she was happy he needn't to worry.

Hisoka let his fingers trail down to the others chin, caressing the skin softly.

He thought of his father once more. Who had drilled him emotionless, always reminding to keep the ' _unnecessary_ feelings' bottled up. Who forced him to make eye contact with those grates of steel, not a single caring glande ever directed towards him. Who wanted a perfect role model for the younger children. So he did as he asked. He tried to be an example for Milluki, then Killua, as well as Kalluto. Because he did not want to disappoint his father, because if his father was content then it'd be ok for the time being.

Hisokas fingers stopped moving, eventually releasing him.

"Illumi." Was the first word he had said since the other had showed up to his apartment, clutching the last scraps of sanity he had.

He stared up at Hisoka. "Illumi, what happened?"

" _No_." He rasped, throat throbbing from his previous sobbing.

Hisoka sighed, pulling him up into a hug. Illumi let his head fall limply on Hisokas chest, deciding to focus on his beating heart.

_Yes, it was beating. He was still there, in the flesh. Heart beating and blood flowing._

Illumi thought back to a yesterday. When it was _Hisoka_ who should up to his house, when it was _hisoka_ crying in hysterics. He couldn't understand a thing that he was saying, so he quickly dragged them inside and towards his room. He remembered Hisoka staring at him, eyes so wide in pure horror, hands trembling as he showed illumi his arms. " _Illu, i... I almost messed up. I made a mistake_?" Hisoka had whispered, voice wavering. He remembered using those stupid Disney bandaid to patch up hisoka, while desperately trying not to wake his family. He remembered hisoka falling asleep on his bed, passing out from exhaustion. He remembered the shrill cry of his mother when she found them, when she had sent hisoka out of the house this morning. He remembered his father and mother screaming at him.

And now here he was. They were holding eachother. They were _not_ made of glass, breakable and fragile. They were made of concrete, a few cracks here and there. They were _not_ perfect, they were _not_ ok, they were _not_ stable, but they were _not_ weak.

Hisoka was not weak. Illumi was not weak.

And they admired eachother for it.

And as one, they stayed, curled up on the couch. They stayed as one, each feeling so differently and so much. They stayed as one, each in understanding. They were not 100% comfortable, because even as the concrete you could never get completely comfortable. But they _trusted_ eachother, and that was enough comfort.


End file.
